"I'm sensitive and I'd like to stay that way..."

A month back a friend said to me "I know, you're sensitive" as a way to explain away my reaction to his statement.

A few weeks ago I told a friend that I thought I was suddenly much more sensitive, she reassured me by saying "no sweetie, you've always been this sensitive, you just forgot for a little while."

This morning a friend told me someone had called her sensitive and it was bugging her. Sensitivity Stigma! she proclaimed.

I sat thinking about that phrase. Sensitivity Stigma. Am I really that sensitive? Is it a bad thing if I am? Does it impact me negatively? Is it a part of who I am? Can I change it? Should I change it?

In 2012 when the school shootings seemed to never end a friend would remind me not to spend too much time following the news. He saw me get sucked into the 24/7 cycle and dragged down into the depths of despair time and time again.

I hear criticism like a sharp knife, cutting out small parts of me without my consent. I freeze in the face of anger and shut down at disappointment.

For 12 years my friends have come to me for advice about their lives and my sensitivity has allowed me to listen to their hearts without judgement, to open walls between us, to empathize with their struggles.

I feel so much. All the time. I am stuffed full of emotions that pour out of every inch of me. If my heart has connected with another there is no way for me to block off the signals it shouts across the tether.

My emotions have scared away the avoidants, Terrified of the intensity.

My sensitivity embraces connections. Incredible, life changing relationships with people from every walk of life. With love to spread and lessons to share. Strong, secure connections that support me and guide me every step of the way. Breathing life into me.

It makes it easier for me to be gaslit, to be ignored, to be underappreciated, to be abused, to be undervalued, to be underestimated.

My sensitivity makes me better at my job. At educating. At listening. At counseling. At supporting. At encouraging. At developing. At understanding. At loving. At forgiving. At growing.

I have to cry and laugh and sing and dance. I have to love. I have to connect with nature and travel the world and see the goodness. I have to see food as love and cooking as love and smiling as love and spending time as love and hugs as love and affirmations as love. I journal and reflect. I prioritize my family and friends. I take naps. I celebrate success. I spread positivity. I love.

Without sensitivity, a core, critical part of my essence would be lost from the world.

So yes. I am sensitive. There is nothing wrong with that.