Yes, We Know It's Christmastime in Africa.

It's 7am on December 25th and I've just woken up to find my family having tea and laughing at  my brother who is still sleeping off last night's adventure. We're trading stories and joking about the way they all protected me from the men at the bar.

It's 2pm and I'm in the car with my siblings driving down a 30k dirty road for over an hour on the way to see mom. Trucks packed with people keep flying past our little car as we occasionally stop to grab a different fruit or berry for me to try from the Bush. My sister asks what we do in America on Christmas. I tell her we get together with family and eat a lot.

It's 6pm on December 25th and we're all sitting around the fire at masemo  (the farm lands) listening to the rain and eating porridge. My host mom occasionally looks at me smiling and then chuckles something in Setswana. I know she's worried I'm not warm enough, she's worried I'm not learning enough Setswana, she's clearly worried I'm not eating enough. I smile back. Life is good.

It's 8pm and I am wrapped in blankets, reclining in the front seat of my sisters car, listening to the rain fall. I had hoped to spend a night in a traditional but, but due to the rain, a leaky roof, and a moderate Christmas gathering, I offered to join my sister in the car. My heart is bursting with joy at my fortune.

It's 10am on December 26th and my sister, nieces, and I are picking morogo (a type of spinach) from the ground next to the goat corral. We're talking about men and family and work as I laugh about the donkeys mating nearby and the kids play.

It's noon on December 26th and I've just been fed for the third time today. My mom is making sure I'm eating as much as possible and that I'm trying all of the traditional foods from the land. My tea is mostly milk and sugar and my finger nails are caked with dirt. The kids are worn out from our morning dance party with the car stereo and my brother is hard at work cutting down trees for the fence. A neighbor comes to visit and my mom shows her the beautiful necklace my mom in America sent for her. She is glowing as she says "from mami to mami."

Seems like Christmas to me.

Home Sweet Home

Peace Corps has made me a home-body. 

Now I learned long ago that home isn't really one place but a place that makes you feel a certain way. It's the feeling you get when you wrap yourself in your favorite blanket and watch the fire flicker next to the Christmas tree. Or the feeling you get when you relax in the hammock enough to drift into sleep with the birds as your lullaby. It's the feeling you get when you're in your best friends apartment for the first time and you already know it because her belongings from past apartments are strewn across the room. Home is where small talk isn't necessary because the hug says it all. For me, home is in 100 different places across three different continents. The longer I'm here the more I want to be in the village at home, because there are only so many months left to truly call this home mine. 

Going home to Ohio was incredible. I saw so many loved ones and was busy non stop for the whole 12 days. I spent nearly every day with my nieces and nephews, and I really couldn't have asked for anything more. I got to spend so much time in Cleveland and I could get anyone to join with a simple reminder that my Homecoming was temporary. My best friends were all home for the wedding and we got to be together for the first time in three years. Ohio was a fairy tale for those two weeks. I can't express enough love and gratitude for the people who went the extra mile for me while I was home. Especially my incredible parents who simply asked for my schedule and my grocery list and went along for the ride. 

I thought it would be hard to go home to Ohio. I thought it would be hard to come back to Botswana. But neither happened. Sure, I sometimes had difficulty explaining my experiences, and sure, I cried in the airport after I said my goodbyes, but both places held my heart, so each gave me comfort. Going to Cleveland was exactly what I needed, like it always has been. Finally being back home in Bots was exactly what I needed, like it always is. With only 9 months left I feel like I finally have my solid footing here. I know my routines and I feel confident in my abilities. It was almost like overnight I went from feeling like I had no idea what I was doing to feeling competent as a PCV. Within reason. I did, after all, somehow lock a chicken inside my house for the night. 

It feels like I finally am figuring things out. So get ready for some big new adventure to come crashing through and toss everything in the air again. But for now, I'm enjoying time at home. And I'm thinking about everyone back at home. 

Little One

Little one

You don't cry when they hit you

Lips pursed, hands clenched

Silence

Slap

Little one 

You believe you deserve it

Waiting patiently, it draws back

Silence

Whap

Young one

You don't blink when you threaten them

An eye for an eye isn't enough

Silence

Smack

Young one

You surge with rage when you hear

Scheming revenge to match your pain

Silence

Thud

Young one

Your little one's eyes are wide, afraid

Where will the cycle end

Silence 

Nothing Stands Still

One of the hardest concepts to wrap my head around during my service is the passage of time. The general consensus is that days are long and weeks are fast, but time has never felt so slow yet so fast all at once. It's also difficult to fully understand the ways in which time keeps moving back home, even though it feels like life as I know it is simply in suspended animation. But time continues, and life moves on. Friends are falling in love with partners I've never met, babies are being added to the family, new jobs and new moves are the norm, and #bestdecade is spinning past while the country is going through a massive internal transformation. No matter how connected I stay to home, so much is happening without me, and it can be challenging to conceptualize the extent of the change. 

Even my own life sometimes feels as though it is in suspended animation. As if these two years are an experiment into another life that will cease to exist once I return to "reality." I can never be both here and there but I can never be only here nor there either. Space and time continue to morph as I build relationships I cherish across different oceans. But this life I live now, day in and day out, is my reality. I'm sitting in my house at my kitchen table in my village living out my existence. And when I go back to America this reality will not cease to exist. When I go back I will not truly go back to anything the way it was before but I'll find a new place in a new life that I will build for myself. The street signs may be the same, but not much else will. 

Sometimes it feels like I am hurtling forward and that new life will be here much too fast. I'm afraid of having to say goodbye or having to leave this life I love behind. Sometimes it feels as though I will never make it out of here to the other side. And time speeds and slows as it so chooses, out of my control. 

But for now I am trying not to exist in any way except now. To exist in the long work day, in the bureaucratic frustration, in the flirtatious exchange, or in the fearless dance party. My mind is racing forward while frozen in the past and all I can hope for is the moments where it keeps pace with the rest of the world. 

Fill Up Your Own Cup

I've been thinking a lot today about self care. I'm back to a full work schedule and the third and final term of the school year is going to be a long and hectic one. I'm also in the period of service that is considered the "Mid Service Crisis."

Observe the chart:

Who knows what my MSC will look like or if it will be during the usual timeframe, but ever the one to prepare and prevent, I have been doing a lot of soul searching about what I want out of life and a lot of planning about what I want out of this next term in school. And in the midst of all of that I have found myself with the usual chaotic circumstances of people in my personal and professional life going through life's ups and downs. 

So this brings us back to self care. 

Earlier in the week I was reading a teen magazine that was delivered to our school for all the students and one of the articles was talking about filling your own kindness cup first before you can fill someone else's. This has stuck with me hourly through a week that has literally felt like I am holding on for dear life every hour. I have come home from work every day with my cup completely drained from classes, guidance sessions, event planning, and meetings. That's when I plug into the world and I see people near and dear to me suffering through their own life problems, and I want more than anything to help. I truly and honestly love to be the person they talk to and share with, the person to help them feel a little better. But I know that first, I must refill my cup. 

Thinking of it as a cup to fill helps me remember that self care is necessary to keep doing what I love. It is not selfish or silly. I need it to do my job. I need it to be the kind of friend, colleague, and family member I want to be. I need it for my sanity. I need it to continue as a PCV for the next 14 months. I wanted to share this with you because I think it's important for everyone to practice self care, and to talk about it. We brag about our achievements at work or in our relationships, but we don't often take the time to talk about what we do for ourselves, and that can make it seem less important. It takes deliberate effort and often planning to engage in effective self care. I have been learning how to practice self care for several years now and I am no where close to having it all figured out. But every day that I try is a day that I love myself and remind myself I am worthy of that love. 

Self care for me involves routines. I didn't have many routines in undergrad and I did not realize how much they help me until getting here. Before work in the morning I do a bit of stretching and ab work to wake up my body. I make sure to eat breakfast, wash my face, and I try to put together an outfit I'm proud of complete with makeup and jewelry. I can go weeks without cute outfits, makeup, or jewelry, but I notice that when I go to work looking my best I actually feel better equipped to succeed at my job, especially considering I'm so much younger than all of my colleagues. This is something I did not expect but now I value it when I put the effort in. 

During work I give myself moments to sit and breathe and clear my mind, especially if I'm working on a difficult case. Those micro moments of mindfulness help me get through my day. I also try to have at least one conversation with a colleague that is not work related so I can have a bit of extraverted time. 

After work I let myself soak in the wifi until I have exhausted all of my notifications. Normally this involves twitter, but last week I had my friend change my password for a bit of a twitter detox. The world has been extremely negative the last few months and it was starting to take a toll on me. I signed off to gain perspective, focus more on my present location and situation, and to check out of the negative news cycle while trying not to feel the guilt of not staying connected. 

Sometimes after work I dance with a colleague. If we don't dance, I make sure to practice yoga when I get home. When it is warm enough outside, I tend to lay in the hammock until the sun passes behind the hill, and I have taken many cat naps that way. My evening consists of any combination of coloring, writing letters, watching TV (currently, FRIENDS), and reading: all forms of self care. I make sure my daily food intake is comprised of at least 5 fruits and vegetables because taking care of my body physically is just as important to my self care as taking care of it mentally and emotionally. I practice piano and clean my kitchen each night after dinner, before journaling to close out the evening. 

Most of my self care is solitary, which is helpful since I live alone, but as an extravert I also have acknowledged the extreme value in Skype calls back home, phone calls to other volunteers, and either ranting or joking in group chats. Frequently planning activities with friends here also helps keep me from feeling isolated. 

All of things help me fill up my cup. I don't do all of them every day, but this month I check off seven every day, and if I get all seven I give myself a star. It is an adult sticker chart and it works better than any motivational tool I've ever tried. More than just the pride of doing these things for myself, I genuinely feel better when I do them. I sleep better and I am better prepared for each day. I still have bad days, but I no longer am waiting for someone else to come swooping in to fix my day or to hold me and tell me it'll all be okay. I have the tools now to make it all better myself, with a little help from my compassionate and incredible friends who let me talk through any painstaking moment I need to. 

In the past I would push myself and push myself until I crashed, hard, unable to help myself. Now I finally see how important it is for me to care for myself a little every day and to fill my cup up bit by bit so I prevent the crash from being as frequent or as hard. 

If you're reading this you are probably one of the people who encourages me, cheers me on, helps me when I'm down, and is a positive force on this journey. Thank you. Please ensure you give yourself as much love as you would give to the people in your life. You deserve it. 

Tourist Life Part 2

The bridge between Zimbabwe and Zambia, over the Zambezi River

After our delightful experience in Botswana, we headed a bit north to Zimbabwe for Victoria Falls. Victoria Falls is also something I would recommend googling. It is a world heritage site and is many times larger than Niagra Falls. We stayed in a larger lodge here and it was interesting for me to suddenly be out of my comfort zone. The whole time we were in Botswana I felt at home. I knew the customs and the language. I knew the people and how they acted and why. When we got to Zimbabwe I was suddenly unsure. I didn’t know what language people were speaking or what the appropriate greeting was or if what I was doing was culturally acceptable. I suddenly felt very aware of my whiteness and my americanness and my ability to make a colossal mistake without realizing it. It did not help that we were in an extremely touristy place and I suddenly felt like I was screaming $$$. 

Victoria Falls, however, was beautiful. I am very glad that we went and we were able to experience it. It is absolutely massive and we had to wear rain coats most of the time because of the mist. 

We also enjoyed another sunset cruise on the river and saw many more hippos. 

Hungry Hungry Hippos

We saw a vulture feeding during one day and watched hundreds of vultures swarm the sky. One night we went to a dinner where they cooked tons of game meat and had drum performances as well as a song where they taught everyone how to drum followed by a dance circle. 

At the dinner we tried mmopani worms (caterpillar), warthog (amazing.), impala, kudu, guinea fowl, and a few more traditional dishes. The food was awesome because it was so different for me. I loved trying so much and laughing over the stranger dishes. It was a great night. 

After Victoria Falls we made our way south to Cape Town, South Africa. We had a wonderful few days, and I can definitely see myself returning to Cape Town again to explore even more of the city. First of all, the food. I have been deprived of real restaurants for a year now. Cape Town was full to the brim with incredible restaurants. I focused on sea food and red wine above all else, but everything we ate was delicious. 

View of Cape Town and Table Mountain from Robben Island

On our first day we went to Robben Island, formerly a political prison where many of the most famous anti-apartheid activists were housed, the island is now a museum where former prisoners and former guards live and work together to preserve the history of the island. We were about to see Nelson Mandela’s maximum security prison cell on our tour as well as the house Robert Sobukwe was held prisoner for years. Our guides were dedicated to the museum and did an exceptional job of setting the scene for us.

Our guide showing us the different menus based on race. 

Where Robert Sobukwe's children slept when they were allowed to see their father

Nelson Mandela's Cell

 I was honored to be somewhere where so many political activists were together, finding ways to resist together even from within the confines of their prison cells. Our guide for the prison was a former prisoner who had been plotting and hiding in Botswana for a number of years before he was caught and tortured for information. I later found his picture among a mural- he was on the kitchen staff. It was moving to see former prisoners and guards working together to ensure this part of history is not forgotten. The idea was a breath of fresh air from the tumultuous habit of hiding the bad parts of American history. I was inspired. 

In the afternoon we made our way up Table Mountain, the massive mountain that frames Cape Town and is quite flat on top, like a table. We made our way up in a cable car and spent some time exploring the beautiful views of Cape Town. 

After we took a driving tour of the city which included seeing some of the famous beaches, suburbs, a jewelry showroom, and the Malay Quarter, famous for it’s bright colored houses. The Malay Quarter is currently mostly populated by the muslim population in Cape Town. As we arrived it was nearing dusk during Ramadan, and the streets were becoming alive as people prepared to break their fast. It was a beautiful sight to see. Cape Town is truly an international city, and the natives are even more diverse. I was happy to experience it’s charm, even if only for a few days.

The Malay Quarter

Beaches!

On the second day we took a Peninsula Tour with a fantastic guide who got us to the penguins early in the morning in order to see their bathing ritual. The penguins were adorable and were all over! They’re called the Jack Ass Penguins because when they make noise they sound like a donkey. It’s shocking that such a loud and obnoxious sound could come out of such tiny and adorable creatures! Many of the penguins were also nesting and mating. Since we went so early we were some of the only people there and we got to see so many! 

Following the penguins we drove to the Cape of Good Hope which is part of the Table Mountain National Park. It was absolutely breathtaking to see the Atlantic Ocean from this side with the massive waves and huge rocks. The national park is part of the world-renowned Cape Floral Kingdom which is the smallest floral kingdom and has thousands of diverse plants (I’m no botanist, but it was beautiful). We saw more baboons as well as two Ostrich chasing each other. 

We hiked to the top of the point to where the lighthouse is to look out for another beautiful view. Following, we ate lunch at a local place that looked like it was out of a fairy tale the way the meadow, water, and mountains came together in the background of the children playing and the adults sipping warm drinks, all with blankets included (it is winter here, after all). I had a fabulous shrimp curry and took in the sites, and we made sure to stop by the homemade dessert shop on our way out. 

What's Vacation without an OHIO!

Next we drove along Chapman’s Peak Drive, a famous cliff hugging and ocean view road that reminded me of Great Ocean Road in Australia. The sites were remarkable and we had a beautiful clear day to enjoy it all. We stopped at a winery on our way back to town and I had my first wine tasting. On our last night we grabbed food at a sports bar with live music and had a great time.

Cape Town was an awesome experience. I hope I can go back to explore it more like a local at some point during my service. The entire two weeks was like something out of a dream. I am so grateful for my parents for taking me on an adventure of a life time and I’m glad Pam and Tim were able to join us for all of the fun. 

Thank you Mom and Dad, I love you. 

Tourist Life

At the end of June I had the incredible privilege of picking my parents and two family friends up from the airport for a two week adventure around southern Africa. It had been 10 months since the last time I had seen my parents, and I was thrilled beyond belief to be able to spend so much time with them. Family is something that has always been important to me, but this experience has shown me that my relationships are my top priority and my family is everything to me. I’m grateful to be here and I do not regret leaving for two years, but I miss my family all of the time, so it was extra special to have my parents here to share my experience with. 

At the Airport!

This is a bit of a lengthy post but I promise to get pictures in it to make it fun! I am also more than willing to give anyone any more information about the places we went, just let me know! 

I first brought them back to my village for the weekend. The five of us spent two days exploring my village and introducing them to the people in my life here. Our first stop was my school. It was great to show my parents where I work every day and to tell them more about what I do. Everyone we talked to were so gracious and excited to meet my parents. Time after time, people told my parents “She is our daughter.” At first I didn’t really think about the statement. But then people continued to claim themselves as my mother, in front of my own mother. My dad would make a joke about me or would ask about my work, and they would continue to talk about how I was their daughter. And I realized that they were giving the biggest compliment of all: they were making sure my parents knew that I am cherished, I am taken care of, I am protected, I am loved. They wanted my parents to know that they did not have to worry. I would be looked after. I was overwhelmed with love from having so many parents in one room. 

After some amusing interactions with students where they taught my parents some of the handshakes, we made it back to my house for a night of card games and talking. Saturday morning I woke everyone up with an early Fathers Day breakfast so we could make our way on a hike through the village. We headed over to Mannyelanong Game Reserve (Mannyelalong means ‘where vultures defecate’ in Setswana) on foot (about a 60-90 minute walk across my village) in order to give them a better understanding of village life, and so we could try to see some Cape Vultures. Luckily my dad is becoming a great photographer and we got some awesome shots of the nests high up on the cliff ledges. 

Dad, the Photographer, getting great shots of the vultures.

Saturday evening we through a Braai (BBQ/Cook out, etc) on my compound. A few of my PCV friends came, as well as some of my host siblings from my training village, and a few friends from the village. Everyone brought dishes to share, and I asked the Americans to bring traditional BBQ dishes. We made deviled eggs that were a HUGE hit, as well as pasta salad and my parents famous jalapeño cheese squares which my dad passed around until they were finished in approximately 10 minutes. There was tons of delicious food and my talented host siblings grilled for us. The Kgosi (Chief) of the village even stopped by with his wife for a bit! We had the driveway for a dance floor, one of the braai stands as a fire pit, and speakers pumping music into the clear night sky. My host dad taught me the Cape Town Quickstep, and the majority of the night was spent exchanging American and Bots dance moves with friends. If you know me, you know this is my favorite kind of night. So many people I love from so many different parts of my life coming together for one celebration with food, booze, and dancing. And, of course, I was the last one on the dance floor.

My Village Host Dad and My Dad

My Host Sibs from Training

Sunday morning we hauled our partied out butts out of bed for an early drive to the airport. Our first stop: Savute Under Canvas in Chobe National Park. We flew to Kasane and then took a TINY 8 seater plane to the Savute airstrip.

Tiny Plane!

Our fantastic guide Sam met us with a jeep at the airstrip and we made our way to camp. We stayed in big Chalets with toilets and “bucket showers”.

My Chalet 

The whole camp is torn down and moved every 6 days so it is never a permanent structure, per national regulations. We were also warned that animals came through the camp ground at night, evidenced by the large elephant foot prints and dung outside my tent door! One day around lunch time I was in my chalet when an couple of elephants came walking through camp. It was incredible to see them so close! During our two day three night stay we took several game drives and saw an astounding amount of animals including 1 month old lion cubs, the Marsh Pride of lions, two honey badgers, a juvenile leopard, zebra, giraffe, wildebeest, impala, and many many incredible birds.

6 Month Old Lion Cubs with Mom

Our guide was absolutely phenomenal and set a high standard for the rest of the trip. He was extremely knowledgeable and kind. We spent our evenings at dinner and around a fire with the wonderful camp staff that kept us well fed and laughing. I had a great time exchanging bits of Setswana with the staff and probably fooled my parents into thinking I can actually speak it! This was by far the highlight of my trip.

After a few days we flew on another tiny plane to Camp Moremi in the Okavango Delta. The delta is an incredible site to see from the air and if you haven’t yet, I recommend googling it to see it’s full expanse.

Camp Moremi was a permanent structure made up of many small cabins. The staff there was charming and accommodating and we had many more guests to share meals with. Here we took several more game drives and even took a sunset cruise in the delta where we went looking (and found!) hippos!My personal highlights for Camp Moremi included hippos, wild dogs, warthogs, baboons, and elephants crossing the water right in front of us.

Cape Buffalo

Wild Dogs!

Mom and I on our Boat Cruise

Because of the nature of the location, it is a bit more difficult to see animals there, but the guides are all on a radio system, and if they see something cool they will call the other guides to let them know, so often it feels like a chase to get to the spot before whatever is cool (like lions hunting an impala) is over.

Three Lions After a Failed Hunt

Impala 

  We had a lovely time at Camp Moremi and I once again loved meeting and talking to the staff. They took incredible care of us and were so personable. Within a few hours of arriving at camp, all of the staff knew my name, knew that I could speak some setswana, and knew that I was gluten free. It was amazing. Another highlight of our trip: While we were at Camp Moremi we FINALLY had (very limited) access to the outside world and we found out (a couple days late) that the CLEVELAND CAVILERS HAD WON THE NBA CHAMPIONSHIP GAME! We celebrated (of course!) with a couple bottles of champagne, and by proudly telling everyone we met for the rest of the two weeks that we are from Cleveland.

Dad and Pam Enjoying the View

After a lovely swim

Our next stop (another tiny plane!) was Chobe Game Lodge in Chobe National Park. This was much more of a resort type place as it had a permanent structure and was all connected with many rooms. We finally had wifi access to look up all of the Cavs news we could and to read about the parade. I love Cleveland.

A View from the Air!

Warthogs at our Lodge

Dad Jokes

We once again took many game drives, and were able to take two boat cruises on the Chobe River which has Bots on one side and Namibia on the other. We saw tons of hippos, and OODLES of baby elephants.

Boat Life

At one point on our boat cruise we sat and watched the animals come down to the river to drink and bathe. It was amazing to witness how all the animals coexist.

We saw another honey badger (these things are crazy rare y’all) and I laughed every time we saw a group of guinea fowl, which are my underdog favorite now. On our last day we watched a massive male lion walk right past our car, and we even saw a hippo out of the water! 

King James?

A Rare Sighting! A Hippo Out of the Water!

Thorough out our safari’s we had a lot of delicious food, and I loved having everyone try all of the traditional dishes. We also were often serenaded (Batswana are incredible talented vocally) and even had a marimba show one night. It was beyond words to be able to be that close to the animals and to share the experience with my parents. I was proud to be able to give additional context based on my local knowledge and delighted to be able to bridge the gap between my two homes. I am so thankful.

Stay tuned for Part 2 of our vacation!