What if

Today I came across a post from one of my favorite blogs. You can read it here. In it the blogger talks about how we often play the 'what if' game with ourselves. She uses examples like "what if the interviewer doesn't like me?" For me it tends to look like "what if someone in my family gets hurt while I'm here?" or "what if I don't recognize myself when I return from Bots and I don't like what I see" or "what if I don't integrate well enough and I fail at being a volunteer?"

So, Jessica then goes on to encourage us to change our 'what if' game into a positive experience. She says "this game is about knowing that we can do the work and that we can get to that place within ourselves and in the world that we never thought we’d see. this reverse kind of thinking acknowledges that we have the ability to grow, to develop, and to improve. its about creativity, experimenting, and playfulness.  "

I have been inspired this morning. I woke up to a beautiful day full of light sunshine and shade. I am actively practicing positivity. I am remembering what it means to love myself. I feel a lightness I have not felt in many many weeks. Throughout this journey I have made many goals and to do lists, but no matter how hard I try I keep falling off the bandwagon. We are told PC is the time to create good habits and transform aspects of yourself, but when I fail to practice yoga, or I give in consequentially to my massive sweet tooth, or I am in such a negative mood that I don't want to leave the house, I am hard on myself. I start losing faith in my ability to change what it feels like I've struggled with all my life. I become disappointed in myself for the time I'm wasting not completing my goals.

But what if I was compassionate to myself. What if I acknowledged the accomplishments I've achieved in the last 241 days. I have created my first daily routine since high school, if not ever. I have learned how to live entirely on my own and I cherish it. I feel infinitely more confident in whatever career choice I make in 2019. I have (mostly) worked through the part of me I never thought I needed to work through: my love of being in love. Large life changes have happened back home and I have not lost it. I have gone through the longest amount of time I have ever been away from home and my parents. I have been here 241 days and I still want to stay here 580 more days. Even on the worst days, I still want to stay.

So what if going forward I changed how I looked at my goals.

What if I practiced yoga today?
What if I practiced yoga every day?
What if I prioritized healthy eating?
What if I left my house every day?
What if I propagated positive thinking?
What if I took the time to have dance parties?
What if I practiced piano for 15 mins every day?
What if I made sure my voice was heard?
What if I gave myself room to process my emotions?
What if I said yes to new?
What if I held my head high and my shoulders back?
What if I walked and smiled with confidence?
What if I practiced compassion?
What if I voiced that I believe in myself?

The person I see when I ask myself those questions is the bright, smiling, blissful, being I cherish most. It is the woman I want my nieces and nephew to know, it is the woman I want my future partner to fall in love with, it is the friend my best friends deserve to have, it is me. Sometimes, I just lose sight of her.

Workshops Workshops Workshops

In January and February I spent 4 weeks attending trainings. These trainings marked an important milestone to my service as the end of our community integration phase and the start of real projects. 

Our first two weeks of In Service Training (IST) were mandatory and dealt with language, safety and security, health, HIV, and sector specific sessions. We spent a lot of time debriefing our first few months at site and the different challenges we had faced. Many people talked about difficulties adjusting to new living situations, new jobs, or new languages. We had been without Americans nearly every day for three months so we had a lot to share. Nationality gives a context that is nearly effortless to communicate across because you don't have to explain customs, word choice, or reactions. People actually understand your jokes, and you can talk as fast as you'd like without hesitation. As much as I love meeting new people and learning their cultures, it is a surprisingly exhausting experience. 

We also de-stressed at training by swimming, doing mumba, and setting up trivia and movie nights. I went to see Sisters in theaters with a group of girls one night and it was so much fun to have a full fledged American experience. Especially since we were the only ones in the theater! One of the volunteers set up two trivia nights that were a massive hit, including a round of Millennial questions. I even went out dancing one night on a roof top bar. All in all, training was fun. I can't complain about air con or three meals a day either. 

The third week of training was a gender training. This was unfortunately a disappointing experience seeing as most of the training was extremely basic and facilitated poorly. Thankfully we were able to all commiserate together and the food was even better. We also had a great day where we had Kings Foundation training on the Kings Pack. The pack is full of games and sports equipment meant to help increase kids play. Another great tool we were taught was In Her Shoes. This walks people through different scenarios as they choose the next step in their characters life. Each character is based on real stories of African Women. It shows how systems and people tend to fail women who have experienced violence and oppression. The activity was very moving and I hope I can use it during my service. 

After the third week I was back to Otse for a week. I then attended a training by the Steps Foundation on art and theater therapy techniques to use in counseling. There was also a large emphasis on self care. Through the workshop we created many pieces of art to feel comfortable working with art and also to use as an outlet. The people at the workshop were social workers and teachers. These professionals work with the most disadvantaged populations who are dealing with horrible circumstances.  Burn out is a major concern and we spent a lot of time building peer support groups to help counter that.

 The Guidance and Counseling team at my school is about 20 teachers. We are going to start meeting as a form of peer support and self care so we can do art and discuss difficulties together. We are also working to use many of the art techniques with students. However, we are in need of art supplies. If anyone is looking to send a package I ask that you include art supplies. I know many people have old craft boxes or drawers in their basements and I'm only asking that you pull from what you have so you can help us build a collection to use. Every little bit helps us. 

The trainings were all educational experiences and helpful for my time here. However, now that I'm back I definitely feel the pressure to start projects and get rolling in the community. You can only give a person so many tools before you need to push them out to fly. Slowly but surely I hope to have more updates about work that I'm doing soon. In the meantime, my host brothers bough chickens! I'm going to pretend they aren't going to raise them to kill them and instead admire their fluffiness! 

Don't forget to register to vote. 

Best,

Bethany

The Daily Grind

Recently I've been making it a priority to have a call home once a week to help me stay connected with friends and family. These calls leave me refreshed and in high spirits and if you're interested you can message me so we can make it happen! 

One question that keeps coming up in these conversations is "what do you do every day?" This is a bit difficult because it changes, but I thought I'd outline a typical day for you all. 

I go to work at my school M-F 7:30-4:30. As time goes on I'm starting to go in later one or two days a week so that I can go out into the community and work there. So far I don't have anything permanent in the community, rather I am networking and attempting to start small projects. 

I wake up at 6am every day (or a bit later depending on how much I snooze...). I try to leave for school by 7:15 so I can get to assembly. Mondays and Fridays there is a General Assembly for the whole school. In Wednesday there are house assemblies, Thursday is a staff briefing, and Tuesday is open. 

From 7:45-1:30 there are classes. I occasionally cover classes for the Guidance and Counseling teachers. These classes are based on life skills (study skills, drug and alcohol abuse, HIV prevention, communication, goal setting, etc etc) and are fun to facilitate. I appreciate being able to connect with students on difficult topics that are impacting their lives. I also like giving these classes an opportunity to ask me about America and to give a comparison to the realities of Botswana vs American Media vs the realities of America. 

When I am not in class I am either planning projects or meeting with teachers or making myself available to students. Since we have 1.7 thousand students, most of which are boarders, the Guidance department takes on the role of parent in a lot of ways. Before school, during tea break, lunch time, or after classes I am often meeting with students about a wide range of issues. Anything from relationships to friends to addictions to parents to academics to career. And everything in between. Often, these youth simply want someone to listen to them without judgement. These meetings are the true reward of my time here. 

Lunch is 1:30-2:30 and I eat in the dining hall with the students and teachers on duty. I'll try to take pictures at lunch next week so that I can write a blog on food! I love eating there because the food is good, I am available to students, and I save myself 5 meals a week. Win win win. 

2:30-3:30 is study for students so sometimes I am meeting with them or I'm meeting with colleagues. 3:30-4:30 is the time for clubs. I have many clubs that I'm attempting to start or to help with during this time including Journalism club, PACT  Club (peer approach to counseling by teens), abstinence club, and Go Girls! Club. Things are a bit slow moving right now because my office is so busy, but I have faith things will pick up. 

I get home by 5 most days (walking) and I spend a bit of time enjoying the outside and the wifi while I decompress from potentially emotionally exhausting days. I normally watch two episodes of TV (right now it's Grey's Anatomy), cook dinner, color in one of my super awesome coloring books, and then end my night with a bit of yoga before bed around 10 or 11. 

Because of the nature of my office, there isn't really a typical day, but hopefully this gave you a bit of an idea of what my life is like. Let me know if you have any other questions or topics that you would love me to blog about. 

Best,

Bethany